Dear Wisconsin, Where are your cows?

I just traveled across Ohio, Indiana, Illinois, Wisconsin, Minnesota, and South Dakota and I have a couple of question for these states.

Dear Ohio, Why do you insist on building such huge sculptures?

 Everytime I drove to Indianapolis while living in Dayton, I saw this.
And every time I drove to Cincinnati I saw this.
(Until it was struck by lightning a few months ago [true story])

Dear Indiana, Does anyone really need an ashtray next to the toilet in a public restroom?

Unfortunately, I have no picture proof.  I'm still kicking myself for not taking a picture of the lovely (full) ashtray in the restroom right next to the toilet.  Seriously,  is anyone so addicted to nicotine that they can't spare a minute to use the loo before resuming their chain smoking habit?  And isn't there just something wrong about putting anything in your mouth while you're sitting on the pot in a public restroom? Ewww.

Dear Illinois,  Why must you make me love your beautiful Chicago skyline so and then make your freeways so freaky and dangerous that I can't look at it or I become lost and end up at the airport on accident twenty miles away from my husband (who has the gps in his car) and I have to ask a airport worker for directions and he gives me confusing direction and then helpfully adds, "Don't get lost again," which I don't, but am a little disgruntled for the rest of the evening?
P.S. I can't stay mad at you and your beautiful tall buildings and gorgeous architecture for long.

Dear Wisconsin, Where are your cows?  I didn't see any.  Is the whole cheese thing just a big conspiracy?  Did all the cows move to CA?  Is this huge sculpture mouse lying?  And why is he standing out in front of Perkins (where we stopped for lunch)?
 And further more, what's the deal with all your huge sculptures?  Are you jealous of Ohio?  Are you trying to be more like them?

Dear Minnesota, Why didn't you warn me that I needed my running shoes and water bottle to walk a lap around your giant mall?

Dear South Dakota,  Do your inhabitants always drive so slow?  Is your air always this clear and your sun always this bright?  And what made you decide that you wanted to carve your giant statues into mountains?  
P.S. South D. Please like me and my family.