A partial recounting of the last few weeks, interuppted by my laziness in writing about it. Also, a reference to salacious material, but not actual salacious material.

Warning:  If you didn't like, As I Lay Dying or other such stream of consciousness works, you may not want to read this post, because I am about to go with whatever comes to my mind.

Soooooo, I've been MIA the last couple of weeks since my mother-in-law was in town and we were busy doing stuff.  Fun stuff (hi mom 2, I miss you!).   Some of that stuff included going to Chicago.  I've decided that I love Chicago.  Enough to pay $60 dollars to park there for a day.  Not everyday.  Just A day.  As in one day.  Seriously though, the city is BEAUTIFUL.  Architecturally stunning and so clean.  It's far different than I imagined.  Everyone was nice, even the homeless people.  We kept running into one guy, who my mother-in-law gave money to, in various parts of the city.  He was so friendly (I wonder why).  We saw him on the street.  We saw him outside Cheesecake Factory, we saw him at the park where we let my four-yr-old run around for a bit.  He was like our own personal homeless person for the day.

There was however one blemish on our trip.  Our cab ride to dinner (yes, I know I paid sixty dollars for parking, but we still had to take a cab).  I was absolutely sure that we were going to die, if not from the driving than from the gang of Turkish mafia that would have dumped our bodies in Lake Michigan undoubtedly.  Now you may be asking yourselves, Why would the Turkish mafia want to kill Candice and her family?   And that would be a reasonable question to ask.  So, I'll tell you why.  My husband got in a fight with the cab driver (who informed us he was Turkish).  No, not a fist fight (thank goodness for the plexiglass divider), but they were both quite upset.  Here's what happened.

We walked out of our hotel, which was in the financial district and hence quite deserted on a Saturday night (but we had a stunning view of the opera house, so I got over that). There was nowhere to eat since everything was closed, so we decided to grab a cab and head over to the waterfront.  I was a little nervous about it simply because I hate not having my son in a car seat, but we didn't really have a lot of option if we wanted to eat.  So,  we get into the cab, give the driver directions and then proceed to clutch the seat as he weaves through downtown traffic.  About halfway through our drive, a couple of teenagers in a fancy SUV (who are driving even crazier than the cabby)   Flip off our driver and yell a few unrepeatbles to him.   So what does our cab driver do?  He rolls down his window sticks out his head and at the top of his lungs says the single most foul string of suggestions I have ever heard.

Now I know you all think you can imagine what he said, but I'm here to tell you that you can't!  And least you think I'm naive let me remind you that I worked for the California Department of Corrections as a teacher for several years.  I not only thought I'd heard everything there was to hear, I'd heard it as threat or personal suggestion by a student who wasn't happy with me.  But THIS--this shocked even me.  And really, that's hard to do.

So imagine now my husband.  My clean cut, well mannered, Air Force Officer of a husband (who also happens to not be shy [though he is a very nice guy] and over six two and two hundred lbs.)     Also imagine that my husband is sitting with his mother on his right, his wife on his left, and his four-yr-old son on his lap.  Yeah, it wasn't pretty.  It involved my husband "suggesting" what the cab driver could do with his own mouth (especially when there were children in the car) and the cab driver letting him know that he didn't need to hear what my husband had to say  because he had grandchildren (like that somehow made it better?  Does he make the same suggestions about their mothers that he made to those teenagers?).  Anyway, lets just say that it went on for quite a while, and I was quite afraid we were going to turn into a dark alley at any moment a meet a few of this guys friends.  But we didn't, so maybe the Turkish mafia has more important things to worry about than teaching a couple of tourists a lesson.

And now I could proceed to tell you about our many adventures in high buildings and elevators that go up a hundred stories in a matter of seconds, but really I'm tired of writing this post.   Just the memory of that night sent me into a near panic attack, so I'll just end the stream of consciousness recounting here for a now and say, I missed you all over the past few weeks, and I'm glad to be back!


  1. Missed you too! Sounds like quite the crazy adventure!

  2. Grrr. People who have no qualms about cussing in front of children make me want to scream. I'm so glad Neal said something. I know that most of the time Neal lets things slide, so this must've been really bad. It reminds me of a time when you and Jared almost got beat up in a movie theatre for telling the gang behind us to be quiet while me and Neal slid down our chairs and covered our faces. :) Yes, I was scared those people were waiting outside the theatre for us as we left.

    Welcome back to the blogosphere.

  3. Natalie, Crazy but fun. And I'm glad to be back.

    Kasie, Teehee, the funniest part was your reaction when you realized Neal had said almost the exact same thing to me and Jared had to you. Too funny!

  4. I love Chicago! I have been a few times, but it has been too long, and I want to go back. Of cousre, I must confess I have never had a run-in with the Turkish maffia. I'm sorry you had such an awful cab driver, but I'm glad you made it back alive. When we went to Europe we bought a portable seat restraint-the RideSafer travel vest. It came in handy on cab rides.

  5. I feel like I need to count to 10 after reading your post. I really want to give that cab driver a piece of Smith and Wesson (my biceps)!! Can't wait to see you:)

  6. I feel sorry for you Candi but I feel the sorriest for Neal, theres only so much you can do in a situation like that and it never seems like it's enough.

  7. Wow, what a cab ride! I can't decide if I want to go to Chicago now or not. Lol, at least it was memorable. :)

  8. Jessie,
    I'm definitely going to have to get one of those if we take Benjamin along with us again. I just couldn't relax knowing he was unrestrained.

    Eight days!!

    It's okay. Benjamin hasn't repeated anything, so hopefully it all went over his head.

    Yes, you do! It is a beautiful and fascinating city. I really, really loved it (far more than I expected to).

  9. I'm from Chicago originally. And no, I don't ride cabs there unless I have No. Other. Choice. ;)

  10. I think your spectacular 27-word post title deserves an award! :-)

  11. I agree with Linda, the title to this post alone us a work of art. :) As for the story, oh my gosh, I would have been dying! Especially with your son in the cab with you! That's the fun of visiting a big city, I guess. :)

    I love Chicago though. Such a great town! Did you have real Chicago deep dish pizza?? Please say you did. (And then describe it in detail to me.)

  12. Well I'm glad you're back! I keep trying to imagine what that guy said, but I'm trying not to. Wow. I would have been ticked, too! I've only been to the Chicago airport, not the city. Please come chat with me sometime. I miss you.

  13. Carrie,
    The fact that your from Chicago just adds to your coolness!

    Yeah, I'm good at the long rambling stuff.

    I didn't! We kept talking about it, but for some reason it never happened. It's a total travesty!

    You got it! Next time I see you we're totally chatting!