My fingers have a mind of their own.

Last night I sent Kasie an email in which I said, "chat for a minute."  NO, I'm not putting that in quotation marks because it's what I said.   I'm putting it in quotes because I put it in quotes in the email.  And no, there was absolutely no reason to put it in quotes.  None. Somehow they just ended up in there.  I didn't even realize that I had done it until after I sent the email.  Imagine my confusion when I saw it. (If you need help here's the visual: messy, after-shower, bed head, glasses, pjs, consternated expression, scratching my head.)  On second thought, don't imagine it.

So I had to wonder, why did I do it?  Was it because I spend so much time typing quotation marks all day that my fingers have a random quotation twitch?  Or was it caused by a subconscious, histrionic need to illustrate the habit Nathan Bransford wrote about in his post on improper use of quotation marks?  Maybe it was the result of a split personality, one side of me that knows the rules of quotations and the other that clearly doesn't.  It's possible.  After all, I wouldn't really know if I had a split personality, would I?

As I started thinking about all these serious possibilities, another, more likely explanation came to the forefront of my mind: my fingers are possessed by a poltergeist finger spirit. Everything started making sense once I embraced this realization. And I'm not just talking about the fact that my fingers like to write "candi" instead of "can". I'm talking about everything in my life!

The added weight I can never get off, clearly the result of poltergeist-finger candybar grabbing. My cluttered office, poltergeist-finger aversion to cleaning. You see where I'm going with this. I'll spare you a comprehensive list, but suffice it to say that there is clearly a problem that needs to be dealt with. I'm going to get right on it.

In the meantime, if any of you get comments, emails, or twitter updates from me that say "your" in place of "you're" or just plain don't make sense, you'll know who to blame.

13 comments:

  1. That "explains" so much for me!! Who knew that was the reason behind not being able to lose the weight or keep the house clean. Now if only the poltergeist finger spirit could magically finish my ms for me I think I would be happy to keep it!

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  2. JenE,
    Me too!! That would totally compensate for the mischief! By the way, do you have a blog? I can't link to anything from your comments.

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  3. I don't have a blog yet, even though I really want to start one. I am making myself finish my ms first. That way I'll have no excuses, and no distractions!! This is my first attempt to write a novel, and there have been a lot of growing pains with it. I am pretty sure the next one will have to be easier, and faster. Right? (Please tell that's right!) :)

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  4. I think I'll have to use that excuse on my husband, my boss, and maybe my kids when I eat the donut I had saved for them.

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  5. LOL When I read the words "chat for a minute" in my email, I thought to myself, is this a really important chat where she sits me down and explains something I don't want to hear. Kind of like in high school when your boyfriend says, "we need to talk." I was like, is Candi breaking up with me?? LOL Okay, no, I didn't think that. But I did wonder why you put the emphasis on those words. I wondered if I was supposed to know what that meant. :) It was fun. I like your poltergeist fingers.

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  6. The finger to blame!!!!

    Kasie's comment has me in a fit of laughter!

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  7. I get that! I am constantly adding supurfluous e's onto the end of words. I think my poltergeist finger spirit must be a young British man from the 1700's. It's spooky.

    And the candybar grabbing, omg, this explains everything!!

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  8. We need a poltergeist-finger support group.

    That's all I'm sayin.

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  9. Hmmm, I wouldn't mind Renee's young British poltergeist. I totally had poltergeist fingers today when I ate not one but two pieces of cake. Exorcism maybe?

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  10. JenE, I think you're wise. The blogging can be time consuming (but a lot of fun too). Let me know if you ever decide to start one.

    Patti,
    It is an excellent excuse, completely fool-proof. Who can argue with it?

    Kasie,
    Like I would ever break up with you. That may be the most ridiculous thing you've ever said.

    Glam,
    Me too!! You should have heard me laughing on the phone with her this morning.

    Ren,
    Your ghost sounds super cool. I just grabbed a candybar. Seriously, about two minutes ago. At least it was a mini.

    Carrie,
    Only if Richard Simmons can be our group leader. That would be awesome!

    Jessie,
    I'm thinking we try Carrie's support group and if that doesn't work move on to the more drastic measures you suggest. :)

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  11. This sounds like a common problem. I agree with Carrie, a support group is in order. Here is the worst part--my poltergeist has invaded my T-9 when I text message. It slips in all these slithery confusing words and then shields my eyes or something so I don't notice.

    For future reference, when I text you and say--"I an inimi good ooz." It means "I am going home now."

    Darn poltergeist.

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  12. Jenn,
    I was trying to translate your poltergeist-finger texting before I read the translations and was sure that it said, "I am in a good mood"

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  13. I love this! My family and I talk in quotation marks, it's like "our own language" or something. I think it started way back in the 80's with a SNL skit where they used quotation marks. "Fun" stuff!

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